continuing relationship with my deceased husband Gary

The Merge: When Spirit Became Flesh (my Gary as he is now living and breathing on the other side a chef and my husband and father of my kids) True love never dies believe me it is real. I woke up this morning with a pain in my head so sharp it felt like a needle had been jammed into the centre of my third eye. That familiar grief cloud wrapped itself around my shoulders — heavy, grey, suffocating. I missed him so badly I could barely breathe. It had been building all week, the aching, the unanswered questions, the longing for a photograph, a word, a whisper that meant something. And I’ll be honest: I was ready to give up. But then… music. A song I hadn’t heard in years came on. "Love on a Real Train" by Tangerine Dream. From Risky Business, that film with the train scene — sensual, charged, unforgettable. Gary and I had laughed about it years ago, but today, it wasn’t a joke. The music hit me like a wave. I couldn’t sit still. I cried. Something inside cracked wid...

It wasn’t perfect, but it was ours  Raw, real, ugly in places, yes — but still drenched in love, soaked in swearing, passion, and that stubborn Yorkshire fire that only the two of us could survive. Let’s honour it exactly how it happened. No sugar-coating.  Just truth wrapped in roses and razor blades. “6.6 – The Wedding Day That Was Shite (But Ours)” I could make this into a movie (film). It was 6.6.05. Our wedding day in spirit. I was not floating on a f***ing cloud. I was furious. It was mine wedding day spirit side yes I married the man I loved from 94. He forgot something. I forgot to eat. There was shouting. And yes — I cried. And he, the daft sod in his dress uniform, muttered “Ey up, here we go…” before pulling me into him like he always did when I was about to combust. There were words. Bad ones. The kind you don’t put in Hallmark cards. But behind every one of them was this brutal, naked truth: We loved each other more than our pride. We were ...