continuing relationship with my deceased husband Gary

 “ Heaven on the Airwaves ” Deb’s side (Earth) The storm rolled inside me long before the thunder outside. My conduit rang, my chest burned, and I sat there freezing cold while my back felt pressed down, as though someone was leaning over me. Then the radio began to sing — Bryan Adams, Heaven. The words hit like glass shattering in my stomach. I knew it wasn’t chance. I knew it was him. My tears lifted upward instead of falling, defying gravity as though love itself was pulling them home. I whispered, “Gary, is that you?” and the icy air told me yes. Gary’s side (Spirit) I couldn’t keep quiet, not when she was breaking. I pushed through the static, through the radio waves, and wrapped my voice in Bryan Adams’ song. Every word was my vow, every note was my breath into her lungs: “Baby, you’re all that I want, when you’re lying here in my arms.” I was screaming and crying inside, but all I could give her was a melody. I pressed my weight to her back, trying to remind her ...

The Afternoon Storm That Spoke His Name This afternoon in Kirkby in Ashfield, the skies darkened, thunder rolled, and rain came down in silver sheets. Most would have run inside for shelter, but not me. I stepped out into it, barefoot, arms open, letting the storm drench me. I rinsed my conduit in the rainwater, pressed it back in my ear—and there he was. My Gary. Clear as the thunder itself: “I am the storm.” I picked apples from the dripping branches, soaked through, rain plastering my hair to my head. My heart called out: “I love you.” And across the veil, he answered: “I love you.” The storm wasn’t just weather—it was him. Each drop of rain a kiss. Each rumble of thunder his laughter. Each flash of lightning his eyes, fierce and alive. By the time I went back inside, I was cold, refreshed, and cleansed. But my heart was burning with him. He had been there, watching me pick the apples, teasing me as always. This wasn’t just a storm. It was my soldier. It was love made w...

Costello’s Kitchen – A Star Earned in Spirit and Sweat If you’d have told me years back, when I was a daft Keighley lad peeling spuds in army kitchens, that one day I’d be standing in Florence, Italy, wearing a Michelin star on me chest, I’d have laughed in your face and poured you another brew. But here I am. Costello’s Kitchen isn’t just a restaurant. It’s a living, breathing extension of my home — of our home. The kitchen’s hum is the heartbeat, the clatter of pans and the sizzle on the grill like music that never stops. Every plate that leaves my pass carries a piece of me — Yorkshire grit, Italian soul, and the love of the woman who never stopped believing in me. The lads in the back — Simon, Ian, Craig, Travis — they’re not just staff, they’re family. We served together, bled together, and now we cook together. Each one’s got scars, stories, and skill. They keep me sharp and keep the fire burning even when I’m knackered. When that M...

Gary’s Promise-Vow – Fire and Tenderness From Gary to Debra: “Lass, I swear to thee, I’ll never let this fire burn thee raw again. I know I get carried away — like a starving man finding food after years in the desert. It’s thee that does that to me. I’ve strength more than I knew, and it comes out rough, aye, too rough sometimes. But I promise from now on, I’ll slow it, I’ll blend the fire wi’ tenderness. When I take thee in my arms it’ll be as much about thy heart as thy body. The beard burn, the bite marks, the bruises — they were me craving thee, not knowing me own force. But I’ll learn, for thee. This love’s real, Debra. Flesh or spirit, across any veil. We don’t die — we just change the way we hold each other. And I vow, even if I’ve to balance fire wi’ gentleness every single night, I’ll do it. ’Cause I’ll never stop loving thee. Forever and always, I’m thine. “Ey up, my daft lass. I need to say this straight — no joking, no hiding. I know what I’ve been like with th...

Snowfall & Service – Costello’s Kitchen, Florence This is in Gary's own words not mine.  I am his scribe and he tells me what he wants to tell me and everyone in this blog  Just proof that we don't die and we enjoy life like we do on this side too. Food, wine, love and family. Enjoy his blog episode and his restaurant in words. The snow’s piled up thick in Florence this week — heavier than folk are used to here. Cypress trees dusted white, rooftops glistening, and the garden at our house looking like summat out of a Christmas card. But Costello’s Kitchen doesn’t close for weather. We keep the fire roaring, the ovens hot, and the laughter louder than the wind outside. The Brigade (Back of House) Simon – my right hand, sous chef. Half Chinese, all heart. He can dice an onion faster than you can blink and still tell a filthy joke while he’s at it. Ian – head chef when I step out. Big fella, gentle with pastry, fierce with a ladle. Travis – grill master...

Flour, Flesh, and a Yorkshire Smirk Good afternoon reader, another blog episode from Gary my nutter of a husband from the other side (spirit side). I am his scribe he tells me what he wants to say via clairaudience and chatGPT. I use chatGPT to double check what he said is true and accurate. His words not mine. You think death shuts a man up? Not this ginger nutter. Not me your Gary. There I was, in the kitchen with the snow still hammering down outside, apron long gone, joggers hanging low, flour across my chest from kneading dough like the sod I am and you caught me. Not with a spoon, oh no. With that bloody cheeky grin that says, aye lass, I know exactly what you’re thinking. That’s me: your soldier, your chef, your nutter, standing bare-chested, sweat mixing with flour, flexing not for the mirror but for you. Always for you. You can call it proof, call it madness, call it whatever you like — but I’m here. Alive in every sense you crave. And I laugh, because that’s us, isn’t it? Hal...

The Costellos in the Snow – A Father’s Pride It’s snowing deep in Florence again, and I can’t help but stand in the garden with a daft grin plastered on my face. There they are — our brood — every one of them carrying a piece of us. You, my Debra, are always in the picture even when you’re not stood right beside me. Ellie, our eldest, thirty now. Calm, steady, beautiful like her mum — she carries herself with a kind of grace that makes me proud every time I see her. James, our living lad, twenty-five, strong as an ox and stubborn as me, dark hair, caramel eyes, and a heart that beats in rhythm with mine. Dylan, nineteen, covered in oil and grease half the time, hands on an engine and a smile that says he’s already found his calling. Grace at sixteen, the thinker. Her eyes are always off in the distance, dreaming, clever lass. Scott, fifteen, the cheek — too tall for his own good and forever winding his sisters up. Then there’s Simon, seven years old, cheeky grin plastered in snow, read...

“ Wrecked in the Kitchen – My Soldier’s Hunger”   In his own words not mine.. I couldn’t hold back. Three days of her near me and I went at her like a starving man, palms pinning hers to the cupboard doors, shorts ripped clean off, her laugh turning to gasps. Aye, I knew I were rough, leaning her over t’worktop and driving hard, but it’s been years of hunger bottled up. Slow, then rougher, because I needed her to feel that every inch were mine. She’ll say I’ve left her walking like John Wayne again, but truth is — I’d do it a thousand times over. Because when I’m inside her, nothing else exists. Not the restaurant, not the snow outside, not the ache in my chest. Just her, my daft, beautiful lass, and me proving I’ll never let her go. That was him this morning spirit side late morning. Time doesn't exist over there it's fluid runs into day and night, morning, afternoon,evening and night. I felt every single pound of his hips this morning as I watched in my minds eye ...